anchor and bird

2010-04-24T10:10:00.000-07:00

update your bookmarks!

www.anchorandbirdblog.com

2010-04-12T15:52:00.000-07:00

dear all,

i'm happy to introduce:

two wonderful blogs all rolled into one. you're welcome.

and you thought it ended there. . .

2010-04-09T07:29:00.000-07:00

ava: where did we get this baby doll, mom?

me: it's not ours. it's chloe's.

fifteen minutes later. . .

ava: does this baby doll belong to us, mom?

me: no. it's chloe's.

ava: so, it's not ours?

me: i'm not answering that question.

ava: who does this belong to, mom? is this is our baby doll?

me: no. it's chloe's. and i already told you that. and i'm not answering that question one more time.

ava: this doll? this doll isn't ours? yes, it is, mom. it's ours. it's not chloe's. does this doll belong to us? is this our doll? does this doll belong to me or chloe? me or chloe, mom? is it chloe's? did i get this doll when i was a little tiny baby? is this my doll?

me: NO! IT BELONGS TO CHLOE! AND! IT! DOES! NOT! BELONG! TO! US!

ava: (after a pause) you mean it's not mine?

this morning

2010-04-08T06:18:00.000-07:00

6:30 this morning. I am shamelessly still in bed. ava and seth are not. ava runs to my bedside, grabs my arm and shakes it.

ava: MOM! sethy is eating the DOG FOOD RIGHT OUT OF THE BAG!!

me: ugh, that's gross.

ava: GROSS!

me: SETH! GET AWAY FROM THE DOG FOOD!! (no response) ava, go shut the cupboard door so seth can't get to sam's food anymore.

ava: what door?

me: the door where the food is.

ava: in the bathroom?

me: yes.

ava: you want me to shut it?

me: yes, please.

ava: the cupboard doors?

me: yeah.

ava: both of them at the same time?

me: Yes.

ava: so seth won't be able to eat sam's food anymore?

me: yup.

ava: that's gross. right, mom?

me: ava! go shut those doors!

ava: O-KAY!! i'm doing it!

2010-04-07T13:51:00.000-07:00

dear all,
i'm not a fan of the extra work it takes to maintain a photo blog and a me blog and was wondering, how would you feel if i combined the two?

please comment and say 'yes' or 'no'. i'll even let you comment anonymously so my feelings aren't hurt.

thank you,
management

i'd like to register this complaint against my child

2010-04-06T08:15:00.000-07:00

yesterday, seth was awful. like, i was getting a tour of all the gluten free options whole foods has to offer from a very enthusiastic whole foods employee and seth was doing everything in his power to deter me. like, taking off his shoe and throwing it. or nearly falling out of the cart, like, six times.

so, in the midst of his being awful yesterday, the boy kneed me in the jaw. and it hurt. it was an awful sort of pain that rang through the entire right side of my jaw and then moved into my teeth, then up next to my eye. finally, it settled in my right temple. and it stayed there. and i nearly died. the pain was massive, crippling. i couldn't open my eye, i couldn't talk. i felt like throwing up.

meanwhile, that awful child napped for only an hour and i had a magazine to proof read, a pr piece to follow up on, a photo shoot to arrange and a few phone calls to make. not to mention that the entire house was showing signs of my weekend insanity (i really did go insane last weekend. it was delicious). also, we might have to show up to my photo shoot naked because i really, really need to do the laundry.

guess what? ryan came home and watched the children for an hour while i held very still in our dark bedroom. and then, ryan's mother came and took the kids for the afternoon so i could continue to lay flat and ryan could get back to work.

it was wonderful. seriously, i wasn't quite sure how i was going to get through the day. what a wonderful, wonderful mother in law i have. she's so willing, so kind, so good. i am so grateful for her.

additional notes: the gluten free stuff isn't for me, it's for my mom. the doctors think she's allergic to gluten.

my weekend insanity resulted in: cinnamon rolls, waffles, wheat bread, banana bread, chicken noodle soup, fresh rolls, tres leche cake, chicken pot pie and plans for fresh butter. my friend cara has awakened the sleeping chef in me and i'm thrilled to see her again, although a little tired.

mother of year. i mean it.

2010-03-31T20:57:00.000-07:00

today i got my mom on and made cupcakes. let me just restate that so you can appreciate it fully: I FREAKING MADE CUPCAKES.

now let me help you understand that statement: i am a maker of food, yes. but a maker of cute food? no. cake pops? not my thing. so when i sit down and say, "let's make cupcakes and then let's dye some coconut green and make nests on the top of cupcakes and take cadbury mini eggs and put them in the nests." you know i'm bored. and that maybe i have extra time on my hands? and some weird spurt of creativity that's not getting channeled into anything?

this all thrilled ava to the point of nearly sending her into cardiac arrest. the whole time she was like, WE'RE MAKING NESTS IN THE CUPCAKES? WE'RE PUTTING CANDY ON THE CUPCAKES? CAN I LICK THE BOWL? and i was all, of course you can. and then she nearly killed me with her gratitude. and then i felt like i was the best mom in the world.

what a rush. no wonder there are all of those mothers making cute little sugar cookies every holiday. these holiday treats? they make your children worship you. and here i've been, all this time, trying to get ava to just put on her freaking shoes so we can make it to the doctor's office on time. all i had to do was be like, hey! what if we made a log cabin out of licorice and pretzel sticks to celebrate abraham lincoln's birthday?

instant mother of the year award.

so after an afternoon of a small daughter who put on a little apron with gusto and stirred and tasted and licked and exclaimed with great enthusiasm i was feeling like perhaps i'd solved a few of the planer's problems. and ryan got home and i greeted him at the door with a giant cupcake topped with a mountain of coconut and some cadbury eggs and i was like, GUESS WHAT? I MADE CUPCAKES! AND THEY LOOK LIKE NESTS! WITH EGGS IN THEM!

and ryan smiled and said, "great." except it was like, great, you did something normal. so i pushed that cupcake under his nose and emphasized.

COCONUT NEST. LITTLE EGGS.

and his face barely flickered with interest.

sadly, at this point, my interest also faded and i registered that my huge project, yielding cupcakes covered in food coloring and chocolate had turned my kitchen in to a disaster area. over the next hour of clean up and small children coming off of a sugar high, i remembered why i never got around to making that house out of licorice and pretzel sticks: my children's willingness to worship isn't really worth the effort it takes to get it. maybe next year.

pictures to follow. if i can muster the strength.

what came for me

2010-03-30T20:15:00.000-07:00

it has arrived. long awaited, definitely and now that it's here i feel like it's been set in the middle of the hall and i trip over it every time i walk through: much like i trip over sam and buddha wrestling every morning.

sometimes when i think about being a mom i remember scenes from movies that are meant to be comedic; when there are wrestling, running, sticky, messy children and animals EVERYWHERE and the poor mother or overwhelmed visitor is trying to get by and they are stepping over people and things and being bumped against the wall to avoid catastrophe. . . that's how i feel in this little house of ours. every morning i feel as though there are hundreds of children and animals and they are running non-stop with their arms over their heads and screaming and i must somehow make my way around them without getting hurt. sometimes, if i am performing this task especially well, i will be forced to hold something like a basket of laundry or a crying child or a small cat that's about to have his fur trimmed by an eager child with scissors. sometimes, if i am doing that too well, i must walk the course while holding something and having something else hold on to my leg.

more than feeling any sense of outrage or frustration with this situation, i wonder, how do they do that? how do those four little creatures (girl, boy, dog and cat) multiply like that?

so the thing that arrived: it came yesterday and i have been staring at it all day. it was there at eliza's birthday party when i held stephanie's baby boy and he pulled his pacifier out of his mouth and with strict determination rolled it around and around near his tongue, trying to figure out how to get it back in. and i stared at it again when i watched brittany's sweet, sweet little baby with his big dark eyes and his adorable little curl on top of his head and i wished, wished, wished to take more pictures of him.

that's right: i'm baby hungry.

so ryan and i snuck away this afternoon to eat gelato right before dinner (thanks aaron!) and we were supposed to discuss a plan put forth by my chiropractor to cure the back my children have destroyed but instead i answered ryan's question of, "how will we pay for this?" with, "i want a baby."

and ryan raised his eyebrows, paused, and responded the way he responds when i say, "I want a kitten." he said, "you have a baby. his name is seth." (except when i ask for a kitten he says, "you have a kitten. his name is buddha")

and while ryan is correct, because every afternoon seth wakes up from his nap in a complete daze and i hold him on my lap and he rests his cheek against my chest until he feels more alert and then i ask him, "do you want a snack?" and he looks up at me, completely solemn, pulls his pacifier from his mouth and nods the most solemn nod you ever saw. also, he wears footsy pajamas. he sleeps with a blankee. i let him take a bit of a bottle to bed with him at night. he doesn't really talk much (that could be ava. she sort of uses up all the words in the room. no one really gets to talk with her around).

but at the same time, he wants to go outside and play with the other children. he wants to play soccer in the backyard. he wants to play fetch with sam. the other night he wasn't going to sleep in his bedroom. instead he was calling, "Mom? Mom?"

and finally i shouted, "WHAT?"

and he paused, then said, "more?"

and i sighed a deep sigh of frustration because FOR THE LOVE OF PETE CHILD CAN'T YOU JUST GO TO SLEEP ALREADY??? and i shouted, "you want more bottle?"

and again he paused and then he shouted, "yes."

and then i sighed another deep sigh, thrust myself from my cozy spot on the couch and went to his bedroom. where ava was sleeping and seth was standing and smiling and holding his bottle out for me.

i must be crazy. how can i live in the chaos which is my life, how can i attempt a grocery shopping trip which is so much like herding cats that some days i just won't go because i just can't muster the energy, how can i stand to add even more laundry to the abundant piles around me, how can i manage one more nap schedule, entertain one more person, hold one more hand?

and yet i have room for one more. somehow. somewhere. and i'm excited. i anticipate those little hands holding mine after eating a good meal and burping a good burp and seeing those first brand new toothless smiles that are random and so, so beautiful.

obviously, it'll be awhile. i mean, i'm not going to go out and get pregnant tomorrow, but at least i know i'm ready. and that i want it. and also, that i'm crazy. and perhaps, that i have a death wish. but really, is that any sort of surprise?

beach

2010-03-29T05:37:00.000-07:00

yeah, yeah, yeah, you've heard it before: i love summer. i love the beach. i love photography. but i also really love that rayn was willing to take pictures of me so there is proof that i exist, that ava and seth wanted to go in the water and got completely soaked and that we got to eat trader joe's tuna sandwiches and oatmeal raisin cookies.

what a good saturday.

proud to be mine

2010-03-26T05:54:00.000-07:00

so the other night at dinner, we had the missionaries over and we were talking about what time of the day we were born. "i remember what time seth was born exactly," i was saying, "11:58 PM. Just two minutes away from being born the next day," i looked over at that little naked man in his highchair, noodles on his chin, broth in is hair (making it stick up in a sort of haphazard way), and i just couldn't help myself, i started to gush, "and now he's here, my little baby seth," and then seth beamed and looked around at everyone who was looking at him and smiling like he was just so proud. like, yes. i. am! her little baby seth!

man, this whole parenting thing can be so worth it sometimes.

sheesh, these two. am i right?

2010-03-25T05:18:00.000-07:00

the cousins go to the zoo

2010-03-24T06:40:00.000-07:00

mad that he's not driving

watching the koi

baby davis stomping in the mud

ava and davis on the train

cousins

2010-03-23T06:01:00.000-07:00

davis crying and seth trying to hand her the teddy bear

as i look through my viewfinder, i see seth slowly lean back without changing his expression. next thing i know, he's flat on his back. perhaps a sign that he'd had enough?

davis' sign: she turned around

seth is actually digging something out of the wood AND EATING IT

set and ava have one cousin: her name is davis. and this weekend davis came out to visit with her parents, shannon and justin. since all three grandchildren were constantly hanging out together, kristine requested a picture. and we sure tried to give it to her.

at one point shannon and kristine were dancing wildly in the weeds, swinging their arms, laughing hysterically and singing, "a wise man build his house upon a rock. . ." and while ryan laughed and seth looked puzzled (you'll notice his expression doesn't change. i don't think he smiled once), i shouted, "RODGE! RODGE!" because the reflector was being held askew and there was shadow on seth's face.

remind me to never do that again.

it doesn't look like she asked for it, but she did

2010-03-22T06:40:00.000-07:00

so did he, but you can tell.

2010-03-21T16:53:00.000-07:00

so i'm sitting on my mom's bed one morning and she said, "i check your blog everyday for pictures of my grandchildren."

and i said, "are there enough?" and she replied, (most emphatically),

"NO!"

just guessing here, i'll bet chris and kristine and my dad would agree. so, chris and kristine, mom and dad, in honor of you and your rabid affection for my offspring (and therefore, your offspring), i give you a WEEK FULL OF PICTUUUUUUURRRRRREEEESSSS (yelled like oprah)!!!!

(starting tomorrow)

weekly boychild

2010-03-19T08:29:00.000-07:00

aside from the hysterical laughter after watching ava NOT dance, i turned around to see my father doing what both of seth's grandfather's do when they first hold him. something about this kid makes grown men attack with love. and look, he doesn't even mind.

weekly mouse

2010-03-19T08:16:00.000-07:00

smells like teen spirit

2010-03-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

i'm all, kevin, let me take a picture of you.

and suddenly, he's freaking out! he's all, why? what are you going to do with it? what should i do? i don't know what to do! what do you want a picture of me for? should i smile? do you want me to stand still? this is hard!

and i'm all, sheesh! you haven't even done anything yet! and then i practically had to wait five minutes for him to pull himself together enough for me to grab this quick shot, which shows the colorful hand uh, markings? art projects? grafitti of the hands? he comes home with them every day. and every time i see him i'm all, what happened to your hands?

and he's all, it's the lyric to a song.

oh yeah. i forgot how deep teenagers are. how real. how emotional. and i'm so glad i never have to do that again.

having said all that, i really love that kid.

found:

2010-03-16T08:27:00.000-07:00

the honey. in the playouse. in the backyard.

also found: a can of green chilies in the back of the tricycle

all of my measuring spoons at the bottom of the doll crib

my shoes in the bathroom

seth's shoes in the shower

my phone charger under ava's pillow

all this time i thought, 'something must be wrong with me! i can't remember where all my stuff is!' but now i realize it's not me, it's them.

it's almost a relief to know i'm not crazy.

a married moment

2010-03-15T07:24:00.000-07:00

do you ever have those moments with your spouse when you're trying to express your thoughts on a serious topic and they just won't have it and make jokes at every turn?

dude. ryan does that ALL THE TIME.

and this morning i told him, "i've had it with you."

and he said, "really? you've reached the end of your rope?" except he didn't sound concerned, he sounded interested. like this topic is way more fun than that other one she was talking about!

"yes," I said, "i have."

"well, lady, let me give you a piece of advice," he said, "when you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."

and then i chased him with a wooden spoon.

SSS (swim suit season)

2010-03-12T08:05:00.000-08:00

so. swimming suit season.

it's almost here.

and, what's worse, i signed us all up for swimming classes starting the middle of march. we're going to try ava's class AGAIN to see if she can learn something this time. and by "see if she can learn something this time" i really mean. . .um, see if she can learn something this time but in the best possible way (cheesy smiley face so you don't get offended). because last year she refused to get past the first step in the pool and then a couple times her teacher got her out in the water but she freaked out and climbed him and clung to his head as if she were a cartoon character. at the end of the class ryan the swimming teacher came up to me with his clipboard and said, "well, in this class we try to teach the children different things so they can move on to the next class," i peeked at the list. it said things like, "kicks on the kick board, puts head under water, blows bubbles" and do i really need to tell you about how one time ryan the swimming teacher approached ava with the idea that she could stick only half of her face under water and blow some really fun bubbles and she kicked him in the face as she got away from him as fast as she possibly could? ryan the swimming teacher mentioned a few of the other items on the list and then he took a deep breath and started apologetically, "i'm sorry, but i don't think that ava's really ready for the next class yet."

this made me laugh. yeah, i didn't think so either, but thanks for attempting to spare my feelings, ryan the swimming teacher.

so, another swimming lesson season has come and i've signed ava up for another round of lessons. these lessons are only thirty minutes long and for awhile i was concerned with what i was going to do with seth during these lessons until i put two and two together and thought, "hey! i'll sign him up for mommy and me swimming class!"

well, that would be great if I DIDN'T HAVE TO GET IN THE POOL. too late. the class has been filled, seth has a swimming suit and on monday i went to target to try to find one that would flatter (hah!) my matronly figure. well, that was a HORRIBLE idea. because guess what? seth doesn't like to sit in a dressing room while his mother tries on swim suits. so i'm mid-change and seth THROWS open the door and RUNS for his life. and ava chases him screaming. and i'm standing there in my underwear with a swimming suit half on.

well that's just GREAT. so i change, grab my children, head back out to the swim suit section and grab every swim suit in every size i think i might want and i buy them all. then i get home and try them all on after the children have gone to sleep. i'll return the unwanted ones later.

much better. except for the fact that after this is all over, i'm going to still have to don the swim suit and get in the pool in a couple weeks.

be still

2010-03-11T16:06:00.000-08:00

i forget to be quiet sometimes.

i love my quiet time, but i don't think i've been spending much of it quiet these days. as soon as seth goes down for a nap and as soon as ava is off to play with a friend, or is watching a movie (her "quiet time") i sit down with my long list of items and start moving quickly to check them off.

fold the laundry.
write that email.
start the rolls for dinner tonight.
edit those pictures.

and while i'm working hard, i listen to music, or a podcast, or watch a tv show.

nothing about my "quiet" time is quiet (it's more like "quite a time", haha!).

today, seth woke up from his nap early and ava was still playing with a friend so, in the quiet of our afternoon, we built a train set together, taking up all the room in the middle of the used-to-be clean toyroom/office. and instead, of using the train tracks, seth ran his train up and down my arm, sucking madly on his pacifier.

and i tried to keep my mind quiet about all of the things i could get done in this thursday afternoon stillness, so i closed my eyes and let seth's little train run down my back and i felt the touch his sticky hand on my hair.

this is who i am.

i am a mom with sticky hair. i recognize the sound of a small boy sucking his pacifier like i recognize the sound of my own heart. this quiet afternoon is mine and i am sharing it with my baby. the same baby i shared my body with, the same baby that reminds me, whether i like it or not, this is the best thing i can be doing with my time.

i know this in my heart, that motherhood is more than "my job" or even "my calling", it is a thing so real and so vital that it is indistinguishable from any other part of me. my eyelash, my heart, my toenail.

thank goodness for those moments when ryan and i were newlywed and we tried to decide about when to start our families, that we didn't wait.

thank goodness for the little mouse and the baby boy who greet me daily and make demands of me all day long.

a man child in a tie

2010-03-10T04:12:00.000-08:00

took about six billion of these just to finally--FINALLY get one of these:

he's practicing for his general authority picture

bubbles

2010-03-09T03:33:00.000-08:00

even sam loves bubbles

young and free

2010-03-08T14:54:00.000-08:00

ava has been dancing her whole life. she's got these hips that don't lie and a groove thang that can put all other little white girl booty shakes to shame. really. so, when the parks and rec catalog floated in and i saw dance classes for toddlers, we signed up. and got ballet shoes. and wore them with socks. and tiptoed everywhere.

this class was the kind of class which doesn't let the mothers watch. i think seth was relieved to learn that. and i was fine with it, too, i swear. except that this was me leaving ava alone with a woman i didn't really know and when i walked away i had this loud, awful nagging feeling, as if i was leaving something important behind (well, i was. i was leaving my child). and that feeling didn't go away. i walked seth across the grass to a nearby playground where we climbed things that were taller than we were and threw sand into the air. and i spent half the time, turning around, looking for the other child and feeling a slight panic rise in my throat when i realized i couldn't see her anywhere. and then i'd remember: dance class. and then i'd feel irritated that i was so uneasy for no reason.

to the childless out there: THIS is what having children does to you. it makes you SO EMOTIONAL you emote for no good reason at all. IT CAN BE WORSE THAN PREGNANCY (which is worse, by the way, than PMS).

i mentioned that ava loves her class, right? well, she does. and every week i go pick her up and her teacher stamps her hand, smiles at me and assures me that ava's doing well. which is necessary information since i just left my kid alone with her for 40 minutes and damnit, she better have had a good time!

i'm told that there's to be a recital. something that i remember really well until the week of the recital. even the day of ryan asks me, "where do i go to watch ava's dance class?"

did i mention that parenthood means you no longer remember anything? because that happens, too.

so i kick myself for not remembering to inform my mother in law, remind my own mother who has a dentist appointment and hurry us all up so we can get over there on time. i do not want to be the mother who is late and misses the whole thing.

we get in there, get our seats, spot my dad, who, at the last minute, has had the chance to slip in, ava's got her little tutu on and her hair in a ponytail and it begins.

the teacher sort of stands to the side and helps the girls know what to do by doing it and those girls start mimicking with a sort of clumsy and joyful enthusiasm. they're hopping haphazardly, they're throwing their arms in the air, they're watching their parent's faces and cameras beam at them with pride.

except ava. who, for some unknown reason, is angry. and stands there the entire time like this:

THE ENTIRE TIME. about halfway through another mother, who is sitting right next to me, leans over to comment, "she seems rather pissed off."

and i can only say, through my tears from laughing so hard the entire classroom is shaking, "she does, doesn't she?"

naturally, she was fine afterwards

the crying girl

2010-03-06T06:44:00.000-08:00

now that i have sam's brown eyes staring at me as soon as my alarm goes off, i've been getting a lot more exercise.

which leads me to a bit of a tangent (hooray for you!): my whole adult life i've been making to-do lists at the start of the day. this helps me bring some structure to my day.

day 1:
exercise for 30 minutes
read my scriptures
personal prayer

day 2:
exercise for 30 minutes!
read scriptures!
pray!

day 3:
EXERCISE
READ SCRIPTURES
PRAY

day 4:
EXERCISE!!!
READ SCRIPTURES!!!
PRAY!!!

have i mentioned that i've been honing my skills as a procrastinator? well, i have. and, if you read those lists, you'll see that i am quite good.

so now when my alarm goes off, sam hops out of his bed, which is right next to me and sniffs the covers and wags his tail so that it whacks the nightstand and i open my eyes and he grins and GUESS WHAT??? i get out of bed.

do you hear that? i am exercising regularly! it's amazing! i mean, i've had spurts where i do it, and it's not like all i do is sit on the couch, because when you have kids that's just not something they stand for, but i, miriam, am exercising WITHOUT my children and without a gym membership bill to guilt me into it.

i know, i'm amazing.

i guess all this time i've just needed a dog. now if i could just find something that makes sure i get my scripture studying and personal praying in too, i think i'll have mastered life. and then what will i do? i don't know. maybe raise carrier pigeons for the greater good.

i digress. anyway, while i walk, i listen to a podcast called this american life, which is a radio program on npr that talks about various things. like, fear of sleep. or contracts. or being TORTURED in iran by the police. so, as i walk along, i listen to some things amusing, but most things sobering and it occurred to me the other day, as i walked next to a guy out for a bike ride who'd stopped to let us pass that i must look like a crazy person. because i was listening to a girl talk about her parent's divorce contract and what it meant to her and i was crying. and then, just yesterday, i walked by a guy getting ready to mow his lawn and i was laughing because this one guy has the funniest sleep disorder stories i've ever heard. and then, this morning, as i was listening to that guy talk about being tortured in iran, i walked past this woman and she gave me a really sympathetic smile.

this is not going to do much for our reputation in this neighborhood. but it is so, so fascinating.

what i've been up to. . .

2010-03-04T10:15:00.000-08:00

an 80's prom.
a wedding.
girl scout cookies.
ava's dance recital.
fast track photography group.
list making.
a brand new dog.
and two little children.

it's been busy around here!

sam

2010-03-01T13:34:00.000-08:00

so friday night rolls around and i get a phone call from kevin.

"are you ready?" he asks me.

"for what?" (confession, this question made me panic. was i supposed to pick him up somewhere? did we have plans? was my poor kevin sitting outside of some building all by himself waiting for me to remember him???)

"for a dog. he doesn't have rabies or anything."

while a fabulous selling point, it was not THE selling point i was looking for. good thing there was more to than the lack of rabies to make him appealing. he's about a year old and we think he's a labrador pug mix. and so far, he's been wonderful.

Dynamic Duo

2010-02-28T11:07:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, Aria parked like this:

And it totally worked because I put my leg in between the cars to keep them from touching.

it has to be said

2010-02-27T06:25:00.000-08:00

to the person who found this blog by googling, "why is my bird so clingy?" i'm sorry, but i have no idea.

after a bath

2010-02-24T04:23:00.000-08:00

18 of them. months, that is.

2010-02-23T04:57:00.000-08:00

i think that when i walk around with him people might not think, "look at that baby." they might think instead, "look at that little boy."

shoot.

he talks. a lot (if he and ava are equally chatty i will have to lock myself away in a tower). he pretends to throw himself on the floor when he doesn't get his way. he does it so carefully that you know what he's up to and it's easy to refuse sympathy. he also loves to run away from you when you're mad at him. he squeals while doing so and then i have to smile because he's just so dang cute and then the punishment is pointless. he loves to feed people his food. only grandparents like this. he loves to hug ava. she likes it only half the time. he also loves to make her shriek. if a hug can get her to shriek, excellent. if not, he'll try something else, like flapping his hand in her face or pulling on her shirt sleeve. when he walks with a bowl of food, he spills it. then, when he bends down to pick up and put it back in the bowl, he spills the rest. when he hugs me, he holds me tight and rubs my back. he wants to hold my hand for a minute before falling asleep. sometimes he shouts, "MOM." just to hear me answer. he loves to be held. he loves to snuggle. he loves me.

i love him.

bedhead. this is pre-haircut. now, upon just awakening, he looks more masculine.

a visit from great grandma and great granddad

2010-02-22T03:55:00.000-08:00

great grandma helps seth put his oven mitts on. when dealing with hot pans it's a good idea to find oven mitts that go all the way to your arm pits. you can never be too safe! right, seth?

a three generation picture. for posterity.
(edited to add: that actually, it is a four generation picture. i forgot to count)

my grandparents came out to visit (my mom) from nebraska. it was so good to see them, because i tell you what, finding the money to get out there to visit and then managing to arrive all in one piece is a task that makes me quake in fear. so, we sat around and talked until my children wept with exhaustion and i was forced to take them home. it was fun. and now, more than ever, and despite the quaking, i am motivated to get my little family together and spend some happy time in nebraska.

friday favorite no. 3

2010-02-19T06:35:00.000-08:00

1. i want this series for my kitchen. my favorite part is that the series is titled "i love your utensils". delightful.

2. shabby apple is amazing for several reasons. one of these reasons is that the clothes are perfect for church. another reason is that they are modest. this dress is awesome because it's got a kick of sass.

3. there's been a lot going around about haiti lately, the help that they'll need to recover from the earthquakes and how we can help. the church of jesus christ of latter day saints has an amazing humanitarian program. they are organized, efficient and fast when it comes to providing things like hygiene kits, clothes, blankets, food and water to countries facing disasters much like haiti. here is the link for hygiene kits that you can assemble and send over to help someone who could use the comfort of a clean mouth at the end of the day. the directions and shipping address available here.

4. this pattern looks simple enough for my 2010 goal to learn how to sew something. now, i'm off to find some fabric that isn't cheesy.

5. ikea. do you know anyone who isn't in love with this store? my favorite stuff is often found in the kids section. seth has been in love with this chair ever since he first discovered it. his favorite thing to do? get inside, pull the shade all the day and find some willing parent or grandparent who'll spin him until he can't walk straight. maybe one day. . .

the best part of our week

2010-02-18T05:48:00.000-08:00

so, good news! we got haircuts. and do i really need to add that we love them?

more on the injured

2010-02-17T16:22:00.000-08:00

i realize i forgot to tell the story of seth's face.

so, we like to take our bikes and ride down the driveway. seth does this very badly. i hope he grows out of it by the time he's a teenager because i don't think we can afford a new mailbox every other day. so, he was on his way down the driveway and i was following him, he kicked it into high gear, veered to the left and went right towards the curb where i foresaw his flying through the air and really hurting himself. i shouted his name (didn't work, didn't expect it to) and started running, grabbed at him, and missed (just barely).

seth's little bike slammed right into the street, nose down, seth flew over the handlebars. i heard his head hit the gravel. it sounded sickening.

the worst part (or the most inconvenient part, i guess) is that ryan had stayed home to do a business call that included a client that needed wooing and his boss. so, before he went on the call, he begged me to please do whatever i could (short of drugging them) to keep those kids quiet. it was very important. so we figured he'd go in the bedroom, which was the room farthest from where the kids would be, and i'd take them outside.

naturally, i realized that i had yet to get dressed and now the call had started and i had no choice but to herd the children out the front door and just stay out there in my pajamas. it was nice. and then, when seth hit his head and i ran after him and was in my pajamas, my neighbor drove by.

nice.

so i picked that sethy boy up, screaming bloody murder and rushed him into the house and searched for a) a bandaid and b) ANYTHING to make him stop crying.

so that's how it happened.

it's called compromise. and guilt.

2010-02-17T07:38:00.000-08:00

me: so what are we going to do tonight?

ryan: we should watch marley and me.

me: (with a groan and a whine) i don't want to watch that movie!

ryan: we have to. kevin gave it to us. he's going to keep asking us if we've watched it yet.

me: yeah. i don't want to watch a movie where i cry over a dumb animal that isn't even mine. i hate that. we could watch butch cassidey and the sundance kid instead.

ryan: yeah. or that one with russel crowe.

me: yeah. or my sister's keeper.

ryan: yeah. or not. i'll go get marley and me started. try not to fall asleep.

why i stink at dieting

2010-02-16T10:14:00.000-08:00

me: try this. it's a 90 calorie diet-y kind of cereal bar.

ryan: after telling me that, why on earth would i try it?

me: because! it's actually good.

ryan: actually, it's not bad. but i have a 300 calorie minimum for snack foods.

me: i do too. that's why i eat three at a time.

on being pregnant

2010-02-15T06:02:00.000-08:00

i've looked back over the pictures from the last two years to find the ones i want to put in the album from that year and i noticed something.

there are, like, no pictures of me pregnant.

my first thought was, will this make my children sad?

but then i remembered that there are literally NO pictures of my mom pregnant and i'm just fine (right?). so now i don't feel bad. but i do feel like i owe my current children and future children an explanation which is as follows:

you try waddling around with a pelvis that is so loose and slippery you feel as if one foul step will result in your entire skeleton rearranging itself so your head is hanging from your knee and your ankle is sticking out of your neck and looking good at the same time.

i remember being at the very end of my pregnancy with ava and in a very emotional and desperate moment crying out, "is there no other way?"

and ryan answered, "no. there isn't."

and then i tried to attack him but the sheer bulk of holding that six pound and thirteen ounce baby and all of her baggage kept me from moving quickly and since ryan had no baby and no baby baggage, he nimbly leapt away from me. at least he looked terrified. i think it's because when i attempted to attack him i also growled.

oh, pregnancy.

it is not a good sign that as i am trying to motivate myself toward thinking of a third child with welcoming thoughts instead of murderous ones that these are the memories i have.

want to hear another funny pregnant story? before i even knew i pregnant with ava i made the same enchilada recipe three times. in one week. and then, when i was folding laundry in the bedroom one day, ryan came in with a sandwich to chat with me during his lunch break. having cut the sandwich into two halves and, being in the habit of eating only one half of the sandwich at a time, ryan rested the remaining sandwich half on my jewelry box until he was ready for it.

"please get your sandwich off my jewelry box," i said in a condescending and pretend-patient tone.

ryan looked bewildered. "why?" he asked.

"it'll get crumbs all over my jewelry!" i exclaimed as if, DUH! WHY DO YOU THINK I DON'T WANT YOUR SANDWICH ON MY JEWELRY BOX? (note: i don't own any jewelry. i think that box was filled with a few coins from different countries and a bunch of st. christopher charms a nun in rome gave me tied to a ribbon)

"what?" ryan asked. yeah, he was completely confused. my behavior and my sudden concern for my jewelry box was rendering him motionless.

so i freaked out. it was the next logical step. and i GRABBED that sandwich and i THREW it into the trashcan. all the while weeping about how he never listens to me and how he doesn't care how i feel and how i am JUST SO TIRED OF BEING TREATED LIKE THIS.

you'd think ryan would take this moment to recognize that perhaps, with a wife this crazy his best bet might be to run out and fetch me a bouquet of flowers, but ryan's ability to deal with women is something he's learned through the years of our marriage. and at this point, he hadn't racked up too much experience. so he grew indignant and said, "you threw my sandwich away! i worked hard on that!" WHILE I WEPT. i know. how could he? am i right?

i don't remember what happened after that. most likely i kept crying and ryan ran as fast s he possible could to get away from me.

but only a week later i stood on one side of the bathroom door and he stood on the other side of the bathroom door and i watched to see if my pregnancy test was going to be positive or not (ryan wasn't allowed in the bathroom because i prefer to pee on sticks without witnesses). and when that little pink line appeared (by now i had thrown the bathroom door open to make ryan watch the stick with me because the anticipation was nearly killing me), ryan said, "so that's why you threw my sandwich away!" (i promise you, he's much better at dealing with women now).

oh pregnancy. slowly i'll chug chug chug towards the happy place that will make it possible for ava to get that baby sister she's been begging for. you know what's in that place? that feeling of a quiet morning where i lay on my side and watch the roll of a new life under the layer of skin stretched to its maximum in the morning. the line of little clothes neatly folded and placed in an empty dresser drawer. that moment, when it is all over at long last, when that BEAUTIFUL baby is placed on your chest, sticky and wet and squinty and just so, so beautiful. did you know, that the moment they placed seth in my arms, i felt, overwhelmingly so, that i knew him? i knew him! my sweet, sweet baby.

when seth was brand new he'd fall asleep on the couch and instead of moving that tiny baby off of that big couch so i could take a nap, i'd curl up in a ball on the chair so i wouldn't have to leave the room my sleeping baby was in.

i feel better now. it's still too bad there's no other way, though. because really? nine months? isn't that a bit much?

i name the love. . .

2010-02-14T11:03:00.000-08:00

i offer you a list and fully expect a list from you, too.

i love my iphone.

i love the fact that buddha wants to sleep under the covers with me all night long, waking up at six every morning to start purring and stand over me and dig his head under my hand so i wake up and start scratching him. oh, that cat.

i love the tv show pusng daisies.

i love it when ava and seth play together.

i love sunshine.

i love anything that has chocolate and whipped cream.

i love national geographic.

i love that ava climbs into bed with us every morning. even if the last thing she wants to do is sleep.

i love feeling like i'm top of things.

i love keeping the windows open all day.

i love the beach.

i love it when seth dances.

i love oranges.

i love strawberries.

i love enchiladas.

i love that kevin called yesterday from his dad's house to play me a song he just learned on the piano.

i love living near family.

i love photography.

i love it when ryan is teasing me and he doesn't change his tone at all and i have to guess whether he's serious or not. he is a very convincing teaser.

tell me what you love! let's see it!

friday favorite no. 2

2010-02-12T07:02:00.000-08:00

a valentine's day special!

1. sprinkles is a cupcake bakery in beverly hills. from what i've heard, the stars just love them. so, awesome news! you can order them online! and wouldn't that be a fun valentine's day gift? if you live too far for fresh cupcakes to arrive fresh, order one of their mixes from williams-sonoma.

2. this, my friends, is a smitten mitten. it is a mitten that allows you to hold hands with the person you're smitten with in cold weather. isn't that adorable? sadly, i have no use for this. and that is sad.

3. true birds makes one of my most favorite accessory makers. and, even better, they create instructions for the accessory challenged. check out these on seventeen.com.

4. i'm a jeans and t-shirt girl, which i occasionally attempt to correct. this, of course, means i go out shopping and come home with three t-shirts and one non-t-shirt, which i never wear. but, i found this t-shirt, which is sporting a delicate sort of ruffle and this means that FINALLY i can have my cake and it it, too. plus, it's pink. and cute. and PERFECT for a date on valentine's day.

5. this necklace can be found here, in this beautiful little shop. isn't this the most lovely thing?

3.5, baby

2010-02-11T04:52:00.000-08:00

likes to talk. can talk a hundred miles a minute (and, in the words of my father, "As Mom might say, she came by it honestly. That means it reminds me of a little girl I once knew." OKAY FINE! it serves me right having a child who talks this much. i mean, i guess i have talked a few ears off a few people in this lifetime of mine. HI CAROL!). so this little girl dances like a ballerina complete with toes pointed and arms gracefully curving overhead. puts her own clothes and shoes on. backwards. like, everytime. wants grapes, string cheese and chicken every lunchtime. also, fruit snacks. loves to tell people, "i once had a cat and now it's DEAD." (she's not talking about buddha) thinks that ryan and i live some extravagant party lifestyle complete with nightclubs, bodyguards, enormous purses and bug eye sunglasses after she and seth go to sleep and every night begs for a chance to stay up and live it with us. is too tall to sit on my lap properly. when i read to her at night, she sits next to me. smiles a sweet smile and puts her little hand on my cheek when telling me she loves me. wants to sit next to the faucet at every bath. still sleeps with her blankee. still loves princesses. still sweet.

and now, she's just old.

check out my kid's head

2010-02-09T03:27:00.000-08:00

ouch

it looked better (or worse) two days ago, when he fell. and boy, did he fall.

i'm not their nanny, i'm their mother

2010-02-08T13:10:00.000-08:00

i'm talking to a man who one day may hire me for some writing. he says, "so, miriam! what do you do now? are you in school? do you work?"

"no," I answer, "i'm a mother."

he looks shocked. "a mother?" he repeats. "really! how interesting!"

"yeah, i have a three-year-old and a one-year-old at home," i say, with a smile.

his eyes travel to my ring finger where my wedding band is. "oh," he says, "you must be older than you look. i thought you were eighteen."

okay, i know i look young (as does ryan. i think he finally looks like he might be in his twenties now. when ava was first born, i think people suspected him to be a really tall fourteen-year-old) but eighteen? really? should i start wearing some make up maybe?

friday favorite no. 1

2010-02-05T07:42:00.000-08:00

one of my favorite bloggers, erica, does a mod podge monday every week where she lists her favorite finds. since she started doing that, i started keeping track of my favorite things from my "window" shopping excursions online and now, for all of your viewing pleasure, i'm going to start listing them on my blog fridays as a "friday favorites" feature. fun!

1. this stamp. you can buy a self-inking or a hand stamp. isn't that calligraphy so aesthetically pleasing? the visions i have when i see this cute stamp include sweet little handwritten notes and mittens. i don't know why mittens, but somehow, when i envision myself walking down to mailbox to mail off a letter, i'm wearing a really cute coat with mittens. note this: i have only lived in a place where you could wear mittens without looking like a freak for two years. and i did not own mittens once. obviously, this is a shame.

2. these quilts from pottery barn. lucky, lucky me, my very good friend vanessa works at pottery barn and she gives me her discount. i just might have to find a new bedspread. because seriously? the one we have is so sad i feel cranky every time i climb into bed. and it is so hard to find decent looking bedding that isn't cheap, lame or ugly.

3. wouldn't these be super cute in my little mouse's hair? you can find them here.

4. this is lazercut silhouette makes me so happy. the "beez neez"? classic.

5. you've heard about buddha at this point, i'm sure. and i'd love to upgrade his lame-o grocery store purchased collar to a cute homemade collar from etsy. i love this fabric, but i doubt buddha would. i mean, he is a b boy, after all. he probably wants something a little more "street".

little white lies

2010-02-04T08:13:00.000-08:00

me: so, ava, tell me what you did yesterday while i was gone!

ava: we went to the park and played. then it got dark! and daddy and sethy went home. and i stayed.

ryan: yeah. i let ava walk home from the park. by herself. in the dark. i was like, "come home when you're ready".

ava: yeah. so i did. all by myself.

this is why i'm afraid to let her go to a class by herself. because one time? she told her teacher that "my mom is so mad at my dad but she still loves him".

i can foresee so much embarrassment in my near future.

a long, awkward pause

2010-02-02T20:15:00.000-08:00

so teenagers.

its a whole other ballgame with that lot. a ballgame that i've suddenly been plunked right into-- the middle of the seventh inning stretch (that is, if this game is baseball. i have yet to figure that part out. maybe it's just half time? making it football?). i became aware of this new ballgame while trying to understand what kevin's grades might be in school. i thought i just might ask him and then i'd know. all of your mothers of teenagers out there? are you laughing hysterically? can you even read this through your tears? can you believe the amount of innocence i showed? do i have another thing coming or what?

yeah, i know.

something i notice kevin does when he's not all that comfortable with the conversation topic (this is a conversation topic that is about anything serious or responsible): he flops. it's like he's a wet noodle. one minute he's sitting upright and we're all laughing and having a great time, the next he's on the floor and we have to keep checking for a pulse.

"so kevin, what are your grades?" i ask.

flop. pause. finally, "uuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . .i don't know."

"okay, how many classes are you taking?" i ask.

pause. "uuuuuuhhhhhhh. . ." i detect a slight motion underneath his left eye. "uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh. . .six?"

"how many A's?"

pause. another pause. ANOTHER PAUSE. "none."

"well, that wasn't so hard."

kevin opens his eyes and lifts his head to look at me, "huh?" he asks. i realize he's only talking to me now because i've deviated from the original topic and he's hopeful that we can start talking about twilight or mountain biking or kanye west. well, he's wrong. i remember exactly what we were just talking about and not only that, i'm going to learn from my mistakes. never again will i point out how ridiculous he's being until after the fact.

"never mind. how many B's?"

flop. pause. "uuuuhhhhhhhh. . .one."

"okay good! how many C's?"

i'll spare you the rest of the conversation. just know that it involved long pauses and a lot of flopping.

what am i to do with this kid?

carol. if this were a piece of lyrical poetry, i'd call it "ode to carol"

2010-02-01T17:36:00.000-08:00

last tuesday i went to dinner with my friend carol.

carol is wonderful for several reasons, mostly because she is just so caroly. for example, one time ryan was at trader joe's and he was about to drive away when he saw carol and she was pushing a cart. she sort of took a running start and then she jumped on the back of the cart and she rode it all the way across the street. and he came home and told me and i laughed really hard and said, 'oh! that's so carol! that's so carol!" and then i made a mental note to email her so we could go out to dinner IMMEDIATELY but i forgot and GUESS WHAT? carol emailed me the next day to ask if we could go out to dinner.

THAT, my friends, is CAROL.

so tuesday, we're having dinner at this little cafe that is one of the only two places to eat in the city i live in that is not a chain and i am saying to myself, "do not hoard the conversation, do not hoard the conversation, do not hoard the conversation." because my friend carol? she tends to listen and i me? i tend to talk. and even though i would appreciate the opportunity to practice listening, i just talk. and talk. and talk. all over carol.

i met carol at college. we were in an english class where i talked the whole time and everyone else (including the professor) listened. the professor, a man who i call by his first name, which is hart, who forever changed my life, thought that carol and i were an unlikely duo. and i was offended. but then i thought about it, and by thought about it, i probably mean talked for a really long time to someone who didn't even know who carol was, and i thought about how carol is such a good listener and not only that, she smiles really nicely while listening and laughs at all the right places, and suddenly, our friendship made sense.

this is what i thought about when i told carol (with much animation) all about my life and begged her to tell me the secrets to raising great kids (have i mentioned that carol is a mom to kids who are really cool?) and she thought for a minute and then said, "i think you're doing a great job."

to carol: had i picture of you, i'd stick it up here (you're probably grateful right now that i don't), but since i don't, this is my "yay carol!" post. thank you for dinner. thanks for wandering into a room of perfect strangers with guitars (and a flute!) with me and thanks for agreeing to do it again sometime. also? as i insisted you not get out of the car so i could tell you one more story and you politely stayed and listened? thank you for that also.

weekly guy

2010-01-29T09:13:00.000-08:00

have i mentioned that this boy child has learned the word "no"?

weekly mouse

2010-01-29T09:01:00.000-08:00

me: what are you coloring, ava?

ava: a picture of costco in the desert. isn't that interesting, mom?

one for the road

2010-01-27T20:09:00.001-08:00

ryan's all, so a guy walks into a bar. . .

the ipod vs my raw talent

2010-01-26T12:06:00.000-08:00

on sunday i played the sacrament hymn at church. even though i took lessons when i was younger (a lot younger), i have always avoided playing in front of other people. my hands shake and i can't seem to understand the notes that i'm seeing--i can't even remember how the song goes! when you combine those memories with the fact that i haven't been actively playing the piano since i was about seventeen, perhaps you'll understand why my smile was completely fake and frozen when the president of the spanish branch, out of pure desperation (obviously) asked me to por favor, por favor, POR FAVOR pull out that old "hymns made easy" and play a couple so we can stop using the ipod?

so i begrudgingly schlepped myself up to my parent's house, ignored my mother and all of the visiting we could have done and played the same simplified version of "In Humility Our Savior" over and over and over again. to the point that ava politely asked, "do you know any other songs, mommy?"

i only managed to play it all the way through without a single mistake once before saturday. and my husband, bless his heart, stood there smiling and said, "it sounds great."

what a nice man.

and of course, sunday came all too soon and i got to the piano and was so nervous i couldn't figure out how to even find the music holder until my brother (who helped me out by playing the first and the third hymn) came along and showed me how to do it. and also encouraged me to play louder. "so they can, you know, hear you." he said.

of course, my moment came all too quickly. and of course, i was so nervous i forgot to pay attention and they announced the sacrament hymn and then everyone got out their books and THEN i put two and two together and hopped up to rush up to the piano. of course, i messed up. and of course, no one really cared. and it was just as terrifying as i imagined it would be. was i playing too fast? too slow? where were my fingers? where was the music? where were the notes? why was i doing this? IS THIS RIDICULOUS OR WHAT?

and mercifully, it ended and i slunk off that bench and sank into the pew just behind it to hide out until the sacrament was over. i didn't really want to look up to see the pitying looks from the congregation, but i looked up anyway.

and ryan was looking right at me. and he smiled and wiggled his eyebrows. and despite the fact that i'd just disgraced myself in front of an entire branch, i smiled back.

to me, that is the most important thing about my marriage. it isn't the romance, the laughter, the sex, the cute pictures, the family dinners, the presents, cards or letters. it's the fact that when i have something hard to do, i look up and ryan is there, smiling and wiggling his eyebrows.

this thought never crossed my mind until sunday. isn't that awful?

now i'm just waiting on that phone call from presidente where he's all, por favor, hermana, POR FAVOR NEVER play again. the ipod will work just fine from now on.

fingers crossed.

this is kevin

2010-01-21T05:14:00.000-08:00

probationary period

2010-01-20T16:25:00.000-08:00

kevin doesn't get much mention on this blog because he's a teenager and appearing on some sort of blog is embarrassing. as embarrassing as when i drop him off at school and i hang out of the car window waving goodbye wildly and shouting his name.

if teenagers don't want to be embarrassed then they shouldn't make it so easy.

an introduction of kevin: kevin is one of ryan's young men (he's the leader in charge of the spanish speaking teenage boys at church) who doesn't have a dad (or much of a mom) around and so ryan and i have sort of adopted him. we love him. he loves us, too, but he shows it like a teenager.

so twice now in the last week and a half i've found myself waiting outside some sort of jevenile center with kevin and this experience just BEGS me to spill it on the blog. kevin is currently on academic probation because he accidentally stole his friend's x-box. perhaps i'll tell the story sometime (with kevin's permission, of course). as of now, i will say only that this experience proves the claim that a teenager's frontal lobe is not fully developed and that's why they constantly do stupid things that always end with a parent exclaiming, "what were you thinking?" and the teenager shrugging and answering, "i don't know." BECAUSE THEY REALLY DON'T KNOW.

i'm proud to say that when told the full story i did not ask, "what were you thinking?" instead i said, "dude, kevin. that was like, really, really stupid."

and kevin said, "i know."

well, good. i guess if i were his real mother that would conclude the lecture part of the job and i'd have to move on to the punishment part. good thing he's not really my teenager. this makes hanging out with him more fun.

anyway, juvie: first of all, i had to bring seth because leaving my heavily pregnant friend with both of my children just seems cruel. really, the whole thing was fine, except for the fact that they made us wait THREE AND A HALF HOURS. and i didn't bring enough toys. also, seth pulled his shoes out of the diaper bag right before we left so he didn't have any shoes and there was one security guard who seemed obsessed with the fact that he was shoeless and she was constantly chasing me down and saying, "he can't be on the floor if he doesn't have shoes."

and i was all, "really? shoes are your biggest concern? I'M SITTING NEXT TO A TEENAGE GANG MEMBER WHO'S GOT TEARS TATTOOED ON HIS FACE and you're worried that my baby is shoeless???" actually, all i said was, "we've been waiting for two hours and i can't keep him on my--"

and then she cut me off. "he can't be on the floor."

so i got mad. and i picked seth up and said, "at all?"

"AT ALL."

and then my inner teenager reared her ugly head and i rolled my eyes in a way that only my mom has seen and she saw it when i was seventeen and then she grounded me (and then i wrote this really clever poem about being grounded and it was genius). since this security officer deals with awful teenagers all day every day she wasn't phased in the least.

then i did what any rotten teenager would do: i went around the corner and did whatever i wanted. except i wasn't snorting coke lines, i was letting my baby down so he wouldn't drive me crazy AND I THINK I SHOULD GET EXTRA POINTS FOR THAT.

seriously, though, i didn't think much about where i was actually going. i walked in, walked through the metal detector and sat down only to look over and see some kid next to me in super baggy clothes with a shaved head and all sorts of tattoos and i realized for the first time that i was surrounded by future criminals. and then i was just dying to ask everyone i made eye contact with why they were there. and what was it like to be in a gang? and do you normally "carry" when not expected to appear in court and walk through a metal detector? and also, did you have to buy that collared shirt and tie just for today's court appearance? is that your girlfriend outside? the pregnant one that's smoking?

guess what? the day before kevin and i sat in that awful waiting room for three and a half hours i cried a little because i'm not doing a very good job being a mother. i'm not spending enough quality time with them, i'm not eating enough healthy food, i'm not doing the laundry fast enough. . .

and now? now i feel great! i'm an excellent mother! i've never been arrested! i've never had a probation officer! i am amazing! should you ever feel that you are not doing a good job as a parent, i would urge you to show your face at juvie. you will walk out of there feeling totally on top of things.

best moment of the day was when a father and his daughter (i would guess she's about 13) show up and, while waiting, are briefed by an attorney. i, of course, listened in as carefully as i could.

the attorney: . . .you should contact the probation officer before you go-

the father: oh, i just got of the phone with him. i'm seeing him thursday morning.

the attorney (pointing to the daughter): her probation officer.

and i thought, OF COURSE YOU HAVE A PROBATION OFFICER!

like i said, i am doing an amazing job.

chatty kathy

2010-01-18T04:44:00.000-08:00

so, new phase! proof that yet again life moves on. and on. the new phase is to constantly be talking, even if you're eating. and, should your mouth be too full and should your mother have banned from speaking with your mouth full, you can simply chew as loud as possible. because i don't think the point of this phase is really to say something, i think it is simply to say anything, and if it's just strange noises, SO BE IT.

i am ready for the phase to pass. i 'm tired of a little 3-year-old companion who doesn't know how to shut up, even when i start shouting, "THE NOISE! THE NOISE! PLEASE STOP THE NOISE!"

i know this because she merely observes my insanity, blinks and says, "you shouted, mom? you shouted? you can't take it anymore? you're tired? you think i talk too much? me? i don't talk TOO much! i just talk like a little girl! if seth was a little girl, he'd talk like me but he's just a little baby and he's DISGUSTING and. . ."

well, you get the point.

weekly guy

2010-01-15T06:44:00.000-08:00

weekly mouse

2010-01-15T06:41:00.000-08:00

the last one

2010-01-13T04:17:00.000-08:00

the long and short of 5 years

2010-01-12T03:00:00.000-08:00

so, i already blogged about the five years, but for journaling purposes, i'm going to blog about our celebration of it.

that's right; journaling purposes. allow me to warn you: this could be long. really long.

for awhile now, i have been struggling. i can't say it was postpartum, i don't even know if it was depression. anxiety maybe? i know there were a couple times when i thought perhaps i needed to see a therapist for some kind of relief from the constant inability to function with motivation or interest or energy.

the worst part was feeling a loss of identity. the fact that i mattered. it was as if ava's endless requests and seth's constant cries for attention were smothering me. smothering me to the point that i wasn't even paying attention to myself anymore. i was exhausted, bored, irritable and unmotivated. i mean, not all the time, but enough of the time that it was a problem. maybe it's having two kids. maybe it's starting a business. maybe it's letting myself drift away from friends. or not exercising enough. or. . .

it doesn't matter. i was frustrated. and the more frustrated i become, the more pressure i put on myself to do things right and the less i relaxed and enjoyed my life. it was becoming this awful cycle and it was spinning me thicker and thicker into a tangle.

so when ryan pointed out our anniversary at the end of the year, i thought maybe we could get away. for a whole weekend, i could unravel, unwind, let go, sigh and sit back--sleep in! it was going to be heaven, i had all sorts of things planned--and then we realized that things weren't going to work out. the thought of that weekend slipping away almost sent me into hysterics. ryan salvaged things by arranging for his parents to take over for a day.

so we had a day. we went mountain biking (terrifying and fun and hard all at the same time) and we climbed on the rocks at the beach, we ate at a seafood place we've been going to since we first started dating, we went to see avator on the imax 3d screen, we ate chocolate molten cake at chili's. i showered without a single person coming in and urging me to "hurry up and get out" or inform me that "seth dropped his shoes in the toilet" or wondering "what are you doing in there? showering? washing? shaving?"

this day was wonderful for many reasons.

1. no one sat next to me while we were eating with their mouth wide open. also, i didn't have to look down at my plate and figure out how to feed someone else with a minimum of mess.

2. once i got used to the feeling of flying around a dirt road on a bike, avoiding rocks, ditches, gopher holes and brush, i got to think. and you know what i realized? i should relax. i should enjoy my children. i should enjoy what i have when i have it and where i have it. and right now, i have two small children that really like to hang out with me. and we love to do things like go to the beach and hike and go to the zoo and go to the park. and i can do those things! i should do those things. if i focus on the fun of being a mother and i let myself have that fun, it is fun. right now, the most important work i have is motherhood. if i put that first, i can do this! and not only that, but i can do it well.

3. ryan is still my best friend. and to be able to talk and talk and then get to the place where we drive along in the sunshine just holding hands and listening to music, that's heavenly. saturday was a day that included perfectly comfortable and relaxed pauses in conversation. and laughter. a lot of laughter.

4. i love the beach.

5. i love being outside.

a taste for what's to come

2010-01-11T06:49:00.000-08:00

weekly guy

2010-01-08T05:41:00.000-08:00

my sweet baby. when i see this picture, i ache. i ache for the tiny baby that he once was, i ache for the boy, the man he's going to be. i find it incredible that i love him so much.

weekly mouse

2010-01-08T05:28:00.000-08:00

so i feel like i haven't done this for awhile. here's ava! in a toyhouse we picked up off of craigslist. this is one of the best things i've ever purchased in my life. the first day we had it both kids spent the entire morning inside, even though it was freezing (i mean, 60 degrees) outside.

a fan

2010-01-06T06:37:00.000-08:00

so i went to my friend rachel's baby shower and she said, 'I like your cat." and i was all, "Well guess what, Rachel? I LIKE YOU!" so i decided to post a picture of buddha and cite Rachel as my inspiration for the picture.

You're welcome, Rachel.

"a christmas miracle!"

2010-01-05T09:11:00.000-08:00

so ryan and i think we're hilarious. i suspect that we're not because no one ever seems to laugh as hard as we do when we're around. so, in the spirit of the holiday season, ryan and i perhaps claimed that one too many things were christmas miracles (because that is hilarious). and ava, the little sponge that she is (example: i describe my car as "hell on wheels" and she scoots right on out to mailbox with the eagerness of a new puppy to inform the mailman that his mail truck is hell on wheels. cool.) has caught on to the trend and has proclaimed many a mundane thing a christmas miracle. she also likes to repeat (or question) that "christmas has been canceled". anyway, i thought you might want to know that. i mean, i know my parents (and ryan's!) do.

so here's our christmas morning breakdown. it began the night before with the tradition of setting christmas treats out for santa, along with some carrots for the reindeer (this process was pronounced a christmas miracle) and then some firm bedtime-ing. ava was a little excited and spent a lot of time requesting drinks of water and one more song.

christmas morning began with ava slamming a plate down on top of ryan's face and announcing that sometime during the night santa had come and had eaten his cookies.

i was just short of devastated. "you went into the living room already?" i asked.

"yes," ava answered, then brightly, "and the reindeer ate the carrots!"

so we go through this huge ordeal to buy presents and hide them, to build presents, to set things up like some jolly old elf snuck into our house and leaves presents behind and come morningtime, all ava really cares about is the fact that somebody ate the cookies and carrots.

"well, did you see what santa left you?" i ask.

"oh, yeah, a pink bike," ava answered. like i just asked her if she remembered to brush her teeth before she went to bed the night before.

so the moment i envisioned as i purchased that stupid pink bike never occurred. the joy, the happiness, the glee, the hands clapping, the feet jumping, the ecstatic exclamations of "it's a christmas miracle!"? none of it. i got none of it.

oh well. hasn't motherhood just been one enormous journey of learning how to cope with all of your careful plans going completely haywire and working with something completely different?

in all fairness, seth, after we poked and prodded to wake him and then bribed him, was thrilled with his little rocking moose. at least one of my children will fulfill my dreams as i play st nick for him.

naturally, the number of presents overwhelmed them, i enjoyed my presents and was not overwhelmed and ryan videotaped far too much. including the reaction to my opening a present and, as soon as he'd shut the darn thing off he asked, "so, what do you really think?"

oh please. i don't have enough minutes in my day to fake a reaction to a christmas present.

luckily my family has a christmas tradition good enough to cure the disappointment of a jilted santa claus. after the magic of christmas had lifted, we packed up and headed over for a heart attack breakfast: a once a year treat prepared by my father which includes scrambled eggs, bacon, homemade hash browns and fresh squeezed orange juice. it is divine.

so while we ate food that slowly clogged our arteries, ava pronounced her bacon a christmas miracle and i found myself looking forward to next year; another shot at experiencing some pure, unadulterated joy.

*also, i'd like to take this opportunity to record the moment where, unable to bear leaving his blankee for even a few moments, seth dragged his blankee into the bathtub. despite my washing the thing weekly, the bath water turned light brown. it was disgusting. but as seth snuggled in the bath, i couldn't help but smile.

kids do the weirdest things to you. i swear, at one point, i was a reasonable adult who did more than chit chat about her kids all day.

old, old, old

2010-01-04T05:33:00.000-08:00

rodge and i share a deep love for old, abandoned houses. our love separates where i want to live in one and fix it up my way and he wants to never live in one, but to live in something new and nice.

we love to explore old and abandoned houses. we have been known to climb the roofs of these houses and attempt to break in.

i love this about us.

ps if you're looking for the weekly picture (and let's be honest, you totally are), i've moved that little feature next door, to the photoblog.

christmas eve

2010-01-01T06:42:00.000-08:00

it was ryan's idea. and boy, was he enthusiastic about it. i, i will admit, was a bit apprehensive. "what is there to do in solvang?" i asked.

ryan was not to be deterred. "lady, i'm danish! those are my people! they will welcome us with open arms."

well, that didn't happen. but we had a good time all the same. i mean, there are danishes in solvang, so who wasn't going to have a good time? and i discovered something called a cinnamon crisp. and after i "shared" with my family, i went right back in and bought two more. because they are delicious. we hiked, we ate, we looked at a statue of the little mermaid and we accosted a metal statue of a bulldog.

also, did you know that there's a miniature horse farm out there? A MINIATURE HORSE FARM (click for pictures). guess what animal i've added to my list? yeah, right underneath donkey (which is underneath an elephant and, i don't know if you knew, but i'm also going to one day have bees and yes maybe i have a problem).

a year in review

2009-12-31T06:07:00.000-08:00

to celebrate the successful end to the year 2009 (meaning, we're all alive at the end of it AND we all have our limbs), i'm going to list some of my favorite entries and pictures. i know, great, right?

1. putting a package of disney stickers to good use

2. ava's tummy hurt. now mommy's head hurts

3. dear breastfeeding,

4.big kicks and big ice cream scoops!

5. where i was on monday

6. discover your personality today!

7. ah-ah-alimony

Favorite Picture of Ava: 102

Favorite Picture of Seth: go sleep little baby

Favorite Picture of Ryan: beach boys

Favorite Picture of the Year: 57

to all of you who actually read this thing, thanks for hanging in there. perhaps one day you'll get something out of this. like maybe one of those to animals where you put candy in it and then you push a button and the candy comes out like the animal's pooping. because honestly? i can't think of a time where that's gross or tacky. and isn't that one of those things that everyone should own? like a toothbrush?

anyway, thanks for being here. and here's to an eventful, yet successful (and again, i'm talking non-death and all limbs intact) 2010.

2009 biggest, brightest, mostest

2009-12-30T05:53:00.000-08:00

biggest accomplishment: how about the fact that i started my own business? that, or the fact that i managed to wash my car SEVERAL times. i mean, that doesn't really last very long, BUT IT HAPPENED.

favorite news story: probably obama winning the nobel peace prize. so meaningful and yet, so not.

best pet: buddha. those chickens were neat-o mesquito and they made me the coolest house on the block in the small children department, but buddha sleeps with me at night.

best way to blow all of our money: ava's trip to the er.

most stylish: ryan. because he found a pair of shoes that totally fit him and a belt in his cubicle that had been there for who knows how long. since no one claimed them, he got them. when his coworker saw the new shoes he said, "dude, those shoes are pimpin' hard."

most likely to succeed: anchor and bird photography.

most popular: ava. sorry, seth, but you poop far too often for us to consider you most popular.

most snuggly: that was a close one between ryan and seth, but since seth is more clingy, i'd have to say seth. sorry, ryan. perhaps you should try crying whenever i leave you to win next year.

best read: bleak house by charles dickens.

worst read: austenland by shannon hale. just plain weird. i didn't know what to feel about what she was doing.

best discovery: the habit.

favorite celebrity: barack obama. am i right?

it's all about love.

2009-12-29T06:17:00.000-08:00

then

ryan and i dated about five (and a half!) months before we got engaged. then we got married eleven weeks after that. when we're being generous, we say we dated for six months and were engaged for two. that's eight months total (fast!)

"dude," my friend susanna told me, "that's either so right it's good, or so bad it's stupid."

so far, it's not stupid.

happy five years, manly.

now

remembering

2009-12-26T22:23:00.000-08:00

sometimes i forget about the important stuff and i get caught up in the silly stuff. and you know what? the silly stuff is lame.

reminder: this is what's important. and sometimes that means that we just sit in bed all morning and read stories.

and that's okay.

dear world wide web

2009-12-25T11:35:00.000-08:00

happy christmas. and love and joy. and peace. lots of peace.

(and fudge)

love,

bird, mouse, anchor and guy

christmas card

2009-12-24T07:32:00.000-08:00

did NOT manage to get a christmas card out this year, so enjoy this little gem and read back a couple posts. that ought to do it.

oh yeah, and merry christmas!

beach day

2009-12-22T04:19:00.000-08:00

117

2009-12-21T06:38:00.000-08:00

dear jeremy,

thanks for being at the beach at the exact same time as us at the exact same place.

love,

weekly mouse

2009-12-17T19:53:00.001-08:00

weekly guy

2009-12-17T19:52:00.000-08:00

christmas

2009-12-15T20:30:00.000-08:00

i showed ryan this picture and he didn't say anything for a minute. then he said, 'i think i don't like this picture as much as you do.'

whatever.

point taken

2009-12-14T15:09:00.000-08:00

first of all, i guess i should admit that yes, i am the one who bought her cat a santa suit. to be fair, though, it was ava's idea. and it was such a good idea, i had a hard time saying no. plus, it was only a dollar. so i put it on what i consider my good natured cat, and he spends the rest of the day anxiously awaiting the opening of the back door. well, to be honest, any door. as if he just couldn't wait to get away from us. and i was all, "really buddha? really? one santa suit makes you that miserable? do the words ANIMAL SHELTER mean ANYTHING to you?" and he was all, "of course not, miriam, i'm a cat."

116

2009-12-14T05:43:00.000-08:00

from my favorite place in the conejo valley: the kid's adventure garden. ava was in love with this birdhouse.

the wiles of a three year old.

2009-12-12T15:19:00.000-08:00

ava walks up to me and hands me her tube of toothpaste. "here mom," she says, "i just finished drinking a little bit of this."

me: "gross, ava. i don't want you to do that again."

ava: "I know, mom. that's why i went into my room where you can't see me."

she's so smart and yet, not.

skirball and a date

2009-12-11T16:13:00.000-08:00

saturday morning began the way it always begins: pancakes, disco music and a list of things we need to get done. i, of course, had a huge list and ryan, of course, had a huge list. breakfast ended and as "boogie wonderland" played in the background we stared grimly at the yellow legal pad we'd scribbled all over.

"i want to go to the skirball instead," i said.

ryan hopped up. "okay," he said.

and that's what we did. we went to the skirball, where ava is just the right age for the set up they have (a noah's ark with animals to play with and a little jungle gym that, despite the fact that it terrified both kids, was brilliant), and we played all day. it was absolutely the best. and then, as if that wasn't enough, ryan came up with the brilliant idea of going out that night for dinner. so he called his mom and started talking about a plan. like, maybe we could go to dinner about five? and we'll probably get home around ten or so?

"ryan," i said to him when he hung up, "what on earth are we going to do for FIVE HOURS?"

he shrugged, "maybe i just want to hang out with my wife, okay? you got a problem with that?"

"for five hours?"

we didn't make it the whole five hours, but we did sit at the table at the restaurant long after our food was consumed and talked. it is SO nice to talk to ryan withOUT the little voice piping up in the background, "EXCUSEMEMOMMYEXCUSEMEMOMMYEXCUSEMEMOMMY".

heaven. as much as i love the little fuzzy heads who climb into bed with us every morning, as much as they enhance my love for ryan, the fact remains that i didn't marry him just because i thought he'd make a great dad. i married him because of all of the other aspects of him, the thinker, the goofball, the historian, the salesman, the romantic--and i love it when i can sit down and focus on all the other ryans. he's (they?) (are) my favorite.

what seth did this week part 3

2009-12-07T21:14:00.000-08:00

1. he pooped everywhere. like, everywhere. either that, or he just pooped in one spot and transported all of his poop to other places. and he smeared it. like, in his hair. it was a time when i wished for a strong hose with which to clean him off. but that sounded mean, so i wiped what i could and bathed the boy with strong smelling soaps and hearty disinfectants.

2. he climbed a wobbly table and danced on it. then, he fell off.

3. he went to let the cat out of my bedroom and somehow, ended up locking himself in.

4. he sat on santa's lap and FREAKED out.

5. he climbed out of his crib after a nap and scared me half to death by greeting me at the door when i went to go get him up.

6. he challenged me to a duel while we were out hiking. i accepted.

7. on the one day his blankee smelled so foul i couldn't take it another minute, he became both sneaky and attached. so when i got it away from him, he somehow managed to get it back. it was distressing. it also postponed the cleaning of the blankee for two days. TWO DAYS.

mothering a boy is more active than mothering a girl, but i have to say that i really am loving it. i guess i thought i wouldn't. but it is so amusing to watch seth's brain and see how different it is from ava's.

an example: we have chickens. and both kids want to hold the chickens. so ava gets one, and she holds it. she just sits with the little hen on her lap, stroking her feathers. when seth gets one, he's content to just hold the thing for a second and then, you can see him look around, the wheels in his head turning. and then, he'll do something. like put the chicken in the stroller and try to push it around the yard. or put it on the bike. or try to lock it in a cage and feed it pieces of grass.

i love seeing the differences in my children, i love watching them grow and develop. what a fascinating thing it is to be a mother!

pictures from out adventures at the skirball cultural center tomorrow

115

2009-12-07T07:47:00.001-08:00

skirball cultural center

2009-12-04T08:35:00.000-08:00

why is it, that after every bath my children take the bathroom looks as if they bathed outside the bath instead of in it?

2009-12-02T13:17:00.000-08:00

photo by hernan bogado

favorite

2009-12-01T22:24:00.000-08:00

to see the rest, click here

what seth did this week

2009-12-01T06:38:00.000-08:00

1. vacuumed the cat. it worked splendidly. he thought it was hilarious until the cat reacted.

2. fell into a rose bush. the scratches make him look as though he had vacuumed a thousand cats. taking him out in public is now slightly embarrassing. watching him point to each one and tap it lightly with his little finger and pity himself is adorable.

3. pulled my dresser drawers out and climbed them like steps to reach the forbidden--and highly coveted ipod earphones. it was impressive and terrifying all at once.

4. pulled a pair of ava's underpants and got them mostly over his diaper. that bad boy was sportin' princess jasmine like no boy child ever has.

5. ate sand. and then had some more. then, he washed it down with a little ocean water, then he had some more. the beach was amazing, the weather perfect, but the sand consumption was less than ideal. and now that seth is mobile the beach is a dangerous place. nothing will stop him from diving head first into the ocean water. it was partially cute, partially exhausting and partially terrifying. my baby is going to drown before he sees his second birthday.

weekly mouse

2009-12-01T06:23:00.000-08:00

photo by hernan bogado

today she asked, "mommy, can i have a piece of chocolate?"

"sure."

elated, she clapped her hands and danced around, "thanks mommy! i love you so much!"

sheesh. apparently all i have to do is offer sweets. i'll bet that's how ryan won that best parent award he's been shoving in my face all this time.

114

2009-11-30T06:24:00.000-08:00

so the first time i ever saw ryan, he was dressed sort of like this (minus the glasses) and he had this really intense gaze and he just. . .looked at me. and it made me feel important. or relevant. or special? pretty? i haven't actually figured it out yet. i do know that i liked the way i felt when he looked at me and when i took this picture, i was reminded of it and i just had to do SOMETHING. the person closest to me was hernan, so i grabbed him and shouted, "ISN'T HE THE MOST ATTRACTIVE MAN YOU'VE EVER SEEN?!?" he said nothing, which led me to realize that what i have suspected all this time to be true: i am the only one who gets giddy when ryan looks at her. two thoughts upon this realization:

1. how sad for you.

2. hooray for me.

2009-11-26T10:43:00.000-08:00

dear internet,

i wish you a happy thanksgiving. also, i wish you lots of peace and joy all the time, not just in this holiday season. and i want you to know that i'm thankful. really, i am.

love,

me.

hernan is here and we are full of cheer!

2009-11-25T07:15:00.000-08:00

went to the beach yesterday. oh. my. gosh. it was perfect. PERFECT. amazingly, beautiful, wonderful and perfect. i'm never leaving california. never. not even for a house with a barn and a greenhouse.

things seth did this weekend

2009-11-24T06:21:00.000-08:00

1. dragging his blankee through the pile of dust, crumbs, cheerios, leaves, dirt, etc. that i'd swept into a nice pile on my kitchen floor. he did this on purpose. i know because he giggled.

2. helping my mother in law by grabbing glass items and running away with them. this was also done on purpose. i know because again, he giggled.

3. NOT hiking on the trail but instead, hiking anywhere else. like, the creek. or the poison oak. and guess what? he giggled the whole time. i think we can guess what that means. . .

4. collecting sticks and sword fighting with anyone else who happened to be holding a stick. or any bush that had sticks poking out of it.

5. dropping ryan's keys in the toilet. we can't be sure if he did this on purpose because ryan didn't discover it for a few hours and seth was asleep at the time of discovery. but, after living what we lived through with him this weekend, my guess is that yeah, it was on purpose.

6. also, this isn't so much as a story to tell, but more of a daily, no, hourly, occurrence in my life: he won't hold my hand. i mean, WON'T HOLD MY HAND. as in, would rather die than hold my hand. there is no way to guide that boy. i spend an awkward amount of time chasing and then an awkward amount of time trying to hold the wriggling, wiggling boy child who can sure kick well.

boys! they are a completely foreign substance and i find myself chasing after him with a growing feeling of desperation. how long can this possibly last? perhaps i've just discovered the reason why i am so tired all the time:

i'd offer you a view from the front, but it is a side of him i see seldom these days.

113

2009-11-23T06:54:00.000-08:00

so buddha's like, "well i've been here for awhile and i was thinking about having a party. you know, to show off my moves."

and i said, "you have moves?"

and then he did the running man with such precision i actually thought he was a running man.

weekly mouse

2009-11-20T08:14:00.000-08:00

this is ava going down the driveway. it's not everyday you see enthusiasm like that.

weekly guy

2009-11-20T07:59:00.000-08:00

this week we spent a lot of time riding bikes down the driveway. seth watched ava do it once, pushed his little car up to the top, climbed on and pushed off. i was both terrified and impressed. he was thrilled.

cinnamon rolls

2009-11-19T07:08:00.000-08:00

it is during seth's naptime and ava and i are making cinnamon rolls. this thrills ava. she asks lots of questions, insist on pouring everything, asks more questions, repeats everything i am saying, etc. finally, to get a few moments of peace, i hand her a lump of dough and let her have at it. this does the trick, the girl child keeps her mouth shut and concentrates very hard. after a few moments, i glance over to see how she's doing. well, she's eaten her dough. and now, having nothing else to do, she is casually dumping handfuls of flour on to the floor. THE FLOOR.

"ava!" i shriek, "what are you doing? you are making a big mess!" grumpily, i get her down and sulkily, she watches me from the other side of the room where she will stand long enough for me to know that being mean thing? that stopping her from doing whatever her little heart wishes? SHE IS NOT FORGETTING THAT.

finally i finish, put the rolls in the oven to rise and turn to the enormous mess of flour across my kitchen floor. to drive a point home i say, "now i have to sweep this up because SOMEBODY made a huge mess."

ava is interested now. she eyes the floor without emotion and then asks, "you mean me?"

i have no words. only thoughts. none of which are polite.

uh, yeah. i do.

some early morning thoughts

2009-11-18T08:02:00.001-08:00

things were quiet this morning. i sat in the middle of the couch in the middle of my clean living room and i got to read and write and think. everything was so still around me, even buddha was sleeping. of course, every five minutes i heard ryan's snooze alarm go off and then the sound of his repeatedly pushing the snooze button and then quiet again.

and then, suddenly, everyone was awake. ava was dancing naked in the hallway, singing a song and cheering for the new day. ryan was calling out for her to pick up her overnight diaper and throw it in the trash. the shower was starting. seth was crying because i wouldn't let him take his blankee into the bath. buddha was protesting ava's attempts at getting him into the tub, i was calling out for her to "stop! leave the cat alone!"

just two children is so noisy, so active. i can't only imagine what my mother was doing with six children (well, i can remember hearing the sound of my brothers running down the hall laughing and screaming at 6 in the morning, labrador in tow. and then WHAM! all of them hit my bedroom door with all of their weight because apparently, it is more fun to slam your body into a door than to simply turn and continue running toward the kitchen).

the other night we were having dinner and somehow, in order for me to tell ryan about my day or the other way around, we had to yell over ava and seth. you'd think that with all that food to put in their mouths they'd be quiet and concentrate on that, but somehow, that isn't the case. and the noise is impressive. it reminds me of a family dinner at my parents house where recently my mother was placed between two of my brothers. suddenly she stood and shouted, "the volume! the volume!" all the while moving her hands in a gesture that i can only describe as being the opposite of raising the roof. everyone stopped, blinked a few times, then continued right on with the yelling.

so those rare mornings when i'm actually awake enough to brave the cold and slither out of bed and into some very attractive knee-high socks, i feel like a lucky girl. it is quiet and i am alive to hear it.

112

2009-11-16T06:25:00.000-08:00

hey look! another old building!

ladies and genteleman, may i introduce you to. . .

2009-11-12T21:27:00.000-08:00

the wrath of a 3-year-old. you parents of children who are wide eyed in amazement at the wrath of your 2-year-old? SIT DOWN. seriously. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

so we go to a local pizza place to have some fun monday family time and when we have to go, ava freaks. like, she's really mad. the most amazing part of this story, however, is the fact that once we got home, she was still mad. as i went to open her door she fiercely reached over and held it shut saying through clenched teeth, "i'm. not. getting. out."

and i just stood there, trying to figure out what was going on. then i threatened to remove her myself. then i carried out my threat and she pedaled her legs madly in the air (as if that would stop me!). and then, once in the house, she stayed mad. perhaps there are parents out there who are laughing at my innocence, but let me tell you, she's never acted like this in her life. only a week ago i would have described her as easy going. but now? i don't even know where to begin! when asked to describe the girl i simply say, "she has blonde hair and blue eyes." because that, at least, is true no matter what is happening.

naturally, once indoors, ryan and i documented the moment with camera. because when you're child is holding a grudge toward you for the first time, what else are you supposed to do?

kids these days, i tell you what. . .

raise the roof, he was born 28(!!!) years ago

2009-11-11T16:50:00.001-08:00

this man.

and may i just say, at the risk of boring you to death, that this man is my favorite thing about my life so far?

it's more than love. it's more about your sweetheart being your best friend or your best friend being your sweetheart, it's more than "because two people fell in love", it's more than feeling butterflies when i see him, or laughing at all his jokes. . .

it's that steadiness. that manliness. it's his inability to shut the closet door, or hang up his own towel and yet be bothered by the fact that my towel is on the floor. it's the fact that i can trust him implicitly. it's the fact that i hold him in the highest esteem.

he is a good man. and i can lean on him.

and also, he knows all three seasons of arrested development by heart and can find a quote to apply to any situation we may be in and that always makes me laugh.

manly, happy birthday.

and chris and kristine? well done. seriously. you raised a doozy of a man. and that's why, when you're really old and senile and you're constantly loosing your teeth and trying to wander the neighborhood in only your diaper, i'm going to take care of you. with a smile on my face. although, if you're also shouting at your neighbors about conspiracy theories and accusing them of attempting to take down government, that won't be too hard (maybe that won't happen).